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abby's LiveJournal:
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| Thursday, September 8th, 2005 | | 12:10 pm |
| | Tuesday, June 28th, 2005 | | 9:52 am |
fuck. i miss europe like the effin womb. i don't know what i was truly expecting from greece, but it was great. and belgium was adorable as ever, amsterdam as hyped, and denmark, well. i can't stand to think of my little kbh being overrun by heathens. i mean, they even have dr. pepper. and it was so painful. i don't want to be here. i don't want to have him there. it just sucks. if we were both there, i'd have seen all of europe. i wouldn't care that i have no idea what i want to do with my life. fucking conversion rates and health insurance. i sold my soul, didn't i? but in other news, i have a buttload of tuborg. i just have to attempt to stick to a budget now. but i need a 717 jaunt. possibly a nh one. and boston. i need to get to the city though. i need to stop running away and just make up my mind, i think. | | Monday, June 6th, 2005 | | 8:45 pm |
eek! like 10 fucking days and i will be fucking airborne! and i am attempting to plan the birthday festival. which will probably be insanely low key. i just don't have any planning left in me. and what is needs to go towards packing and organizing that. but eek! and there's a really great storm out there. and i saw rufus on saturday. so i'm all kinds of june. | | Tuesday, May 31st, 2005 | | 2:16 pm |
arg-amemnon. i feel like i am not nearly cultured enough to even try making greek puns/jokes, etc. but, in a mere 17 days, i will be there, and everything will be fine. even if jack doesn't come and i'm out whatever obscene amount i'm out and have to find some random greek boy to take his place for the rest of the romp through belgium and amsterdam... sigh. i'm not even going to think about it. the entire process of boys, and finding one and keeping one, and dealing with losing them. i'm just about to have an aneurysm. (i just realized how much i love gmail. spell checking that word took far too long.) i haven't updated in forever. mostly because there isn't anything to update. it's either way to humdrum, or way to much to just be lollygagging about the internet. i guess i just don't feel like i can trust people anymore. like they try really hard to not care. i don't know. this boy will be the end of me. but if anything, i suppose i am finally realizing how i let the rest of them be the end of me. and this is simply just me realizing it. i want to be cruel. i want to lash out and tell them how miserable they are/were. how they can be so egocentric and hypocritical. and mostly, how i'm just so fucking sorry i wasn't good enough. good luck with that, asshole. wow. so i'm still kind of bitter. i guess i either make a good first impression or i grow on people. i can't have both, it seems. and you need both to have it last, don't you? or am i being hopelessly idealistic? it's actually kind of funny. for reasons unbeknownst to me, i ended up getting picked up? picking up? two of the cutest boys i've seen in a while. and that will have been that. not for lack of anything other than i don't know if i can even fathom being up to it. i'm not. i'm tired of watching my life discussed and judged in front of me. that's why i can't go to boston. i could easily spend my life ensconced on the T with a book from the harvard coop, and be a red sox fan, and have the average IQ in the bar be above my shoe size, but i can't do it. i don't even know where i'm going with this. there was i time i could find words to express what i was thinking, how i felt. now, past confused, i just don't know... | | Thursday, May 19th, 2005 | | 11:35 am |
yay yay yay. saw star wars. i so almost snapped at some of these poor children, like, you're so young. how did you become obsessed with this? and then there were the jackasses that seemed to be confined to my theater only. and so much to say, and really nothing to say, because we kind of knew how it was going to end. ah well. i feel satiated at least. it was non-speeding-ticket-getting, so that's a plus... | | Friday, May 13th, 2005 | | 1:18 pm |
grr.
so when you approve 86 billion dollars for the war in iraq, how does saving a mere 5 billion or so a year justify closing all those bases? poor willow grove... now all they have is a mall... | | Friday, May 6th, 2005 | | 9:27 am |
i take back all those nasty things i said about philly (ok, some of them) i had all but forgotten about the little trocadero. 5/22 hot hot heat and robbers on high street 5/25 rilo kiley and they're all ages! so i can try to talk jeffret into driving me! of course, other than that, my life is crap, but hey... | | Monday, April 25th, 2005 | | 8:46 pm |
so how come i didn't know about ani at keswick? OR Rocky Horror in manayunk... UNTIL NOW? fucking hell. | | Tuesday, April 19th, 2005 | | 12:47 pm |
at this rate, i'll be caught up tp sleep by mid may. not that boozing and bitching in NH wasn't the most fun i've had in a damn long time, but i'm tired. and i found a tick on me yesterday. damn parks and scenic nice days outside! so now i feel like i'm being crawled all over. and the seder is this weekend. i may 717. i may NYC. i may just curl up in a ball and sleep. oh well. i think i'll get in bed by like 630 and just stay there all night. it is scrubs and sex/city anyway. | | Wednesday, April 6th, 2005 | | 10:42 pm |
snort. i hate myself sometimes. i hate when i let myself be outgoing and happy and vulnerable. i really hate myself when i find myself dragged into the "i'm fat" conversation. i hate feeling like my perspective is just off. (i hate the fact i'm probably still in love with him. i hate the fact that i'm too proud to admit who he is.) i hate the fact i can't even admit the truth to perfect strangers. why must i make my life PG to people who are years older than me and assumably more wise and knowing? or at least jaded and understanding? i don't know. i have many silly things to take care of. and it's warm out now, so i don't really care. i'm afraid i like being a dork. maybe i'm listening to too much simon and garfunkel. i'm not a rock. i'm not an island. but celcilia, you're breaking my heart, and shaking my confidence daily... snort. | | Sunday, April 3rd, 2005 | | 12:19 am |
just in case anyone was wondering... simon lebon is hott. yes. with two t's. | | Friday, April 1st, 2005 | | 2:23 pm |
haven't bothered to update. eh. when i felt struck by inspiration, nothing was accepting updates anyway. so since i've had virtually no catharsis, this will be a meager list, not a nice written idea following idea thing. alaina needs to call me so i can figure out what i'm doing tonight/tommorrow. otherwise i'll need to find someone else to go to duran duran with me. i'm lazy. so NH the 15th. i figure by then maybe the snow will have melted. but i believe silly things like that. and the pope dying on april fool's? not cool. also not cool. jack. i want to book this shit. you are impeding my progress, vile woman! and you aren't anywhere near my womb!!! and saw dan. odd, i'm not gonna lie, but good. alright. back to work. | | Monday, March 21st, 2005 | | 6:34 pm |
calendar
april 2- duran duran @ philly. april 8- most likely new hampshire to see nicky and stoner april 22- g'burg possibly depending on springfest suckiness level april 23- seder. april 24- richard dawkins lecture in NY. may is as open as a whore's legs. june 8- my bday, biznitches. june 16- fly out for athens, belgium, amsterdam, and copenhagen. anyone up for anything? am i missing something crucial and/or fun? | | Sunday, March 20th, 2005 | | 9:33 pm |
so boston was boston-y. to it's credit, it was better this time. may have been the bitter cold, may have been the lack of existential crisis, but whatever. i fear that i very well may be talked into it eventually. read a lot of "genome" by matt ridley, which i would reccommend to all of you, right along with "blind watchmaker" but i fear i would be asserting my biology background and you would just be confused. which i think you should all work past, because there are times like this when i am literally fascinated at the very concept of life, let alone all the bastardizing of it we can do on our own. it reminds me of being at the ragged edge and explaining entropy to turquoise. there are just certain moments that just leave me dumbstruck. and that isn't a position i usually find myself in. but the gist of this all is that between the Hitchiker's guide to the galaxy, and the atheism that comes from him and Richard Dawkins, i still can't even fully think that way. and it's not even religion, because god only knows what i think of that, but it's simply that there are so many things left to figure out. and not just biology, but heavy shit like physics and the brain. i don't know. i just have this sudden deep seeded fear that god is a physics major, and all this evolution stuff just got out of control b/c they got distracted and left us unattended... this doesn't do justice to what i'm thinking, i can't get it out properly. "i didn't know that the words you said to me meant more to me than they ever did you..." mm | | Friday, March 4th, 2005 | | 6:32 pm |
LOL. my brother is on myspace. this is absolutely hil-ari-ous. i won tickets to the north star bar, and if alaina doesn't go with me, then i just don't know what i'll do. *sigh* i'm getting rather restless. i <3 modest mouse, btw. "if it takes shit to make bliss, well, i feel pretty blissfully, if life's not beautiful without the pain, well, i'd just rather never see beauty again..." and oh yeah. I"M GOING TO GREECE, BIATCH!!!! (this is a really random ass entry. why do i let myself drink caffeine when i know i'm not going out tonight? i'm just going to be bouncing off the walls again until i watch what not to wear. and they were making fun of me for being a loser at work today. and i really was like, fuck it. because i'm the youngest, and i have no kids, no mortgage, and no significant other. and this means that i should be out whoring myself to the shit that i wouldn't have been caught dead doing in high school? please. grow a set and get back to me. but the worst part is, i know that a part of it is simply that i don't want to have anything else tying me here. i need out, i know i need to get out. i just don't know how i'm going to...) ok. that was more than i wanted to admit. i'm going to go see if jeffret will drink czechvar with me. | | Sunday, February 27th, 2005 | | 10:23 am |
in a weird way, my anti-social-ism (abbreviated oddly b/c i am rather for socialism) coincided with the three missed calls i let ring. i <3 huckabees. eh. i suppose existentialism isn't all that funny. it was amusing. and i liked all the actors. (and i suppose the interconnectedness of it all means that i should have gone back to g'burg. but it's a cruel world out there...) the story of the weeping camel about this mongolian herding family whose camel gives birth to a white colt, but refuses to nurse it because the labor was so bad. so they hand feed it and it's just heartbreaking. eventually things work out. (so what's two years of ignoring me and being an ass if all is good now?) maria full of grace or maria full of cocaine. i liked it though. of course there are a few loose ends and things that i just look at logistically that aren't part of the movie. I must start accepting movies for what they are, limitations and all, and not just what i want them to be. (especially if they're still in love with their ex-girlfriends) wow. i'm up early. i should do something productive before it starts snowing like a bitch again. | | Friday, February 18th, 2005 | | 8:56 am |
omg. sometimes i wish my life would stop feeling like a rilo kiley song. i smoked two cigarettes last night. and i'm almost done this sex/city book. and i have three days off and nowhere to go. which bites. and it's supposed to snow, which is kind of messing with my plans for spring. i need to get to europe. and figure out when stoner is coming to grace us with his presence. hmm. it should be an interesting march. | | Tuesday, February 15th, 2005 | | 11:51 am |
| | Friday, February 11th, 2005 | | 6:40 pm |
item #1: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/4248679.stmi love the 717 dearly, but i wish i wasn't in the same state as you. "intelligent design"? what the hell are you thinking? mostly, design is intended to simplify and streamline the process, and make it sturdier and better. evolution is a design. any deity that designed our pathetically frail little human bodies that need to duplicate themselves constantly... well, at best we're talking a physics major. which may just give me a reason to believe in god. and don't get me started on budget cuts. i couldn't pick which thing to be pissed at. bsa? epa? for what? more "tax cuts"? arg. and athens is proving to be quite a difficult airport. this is going to be a mess, but dammit, europe or bust, right? it's all i have to distract me from the shit i have to deal with otherwise... which i'm not getting into b/c i'm not going to waste the energy getting worked up over it. | | Tuesday, February 8th, 2005 | | 9:45 am |
i feel i should comment on the debacle that was the super bowl party, but i really don't want to. i don't know what i did to piss everyone off so well, but it was likely going to happen one way or the other. especially since the eagles lost. i don't know. it's funny in that alcoholic kind of way that four years and two continents, and i've never been this stupid and beligerent as the past few times i've been out with that bunch of kids. i mean, drinking isn't supposed to piss me off. my friends aren't supposed to piss me off, either. grr. whatever. what falls away falls away. i can't control people (including me i suppose) shit happens. in between shit hitting the fan is my fucking life. so. chinese new year is tommorrow. all this shit can just stay firmly in the past. if you have beef, let me know now, because this whole 2004/january thing is totally over, and i'm never going to be this miserable, or let people make me this crazy again. now if only they'd read this. and not take it the wrong way. oh well. |
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